I FINALLY got the appointment to start treatment, on Monday the 13th. After a few voicemail messages and almost giving up, I called again today and actually got the woman I was trying to reach. She said, "Oh, they didn't call you? They scheduled you for Monday...." I'm all like, "Uh, no, no one called me." Anyway, I'm just so happy that it's happening on Monday.
I can't lie down anymore without being uncomfortable from the tumor. Last night, I was lying awake cuz my sleeping pill wore off at 4 am, and so I was just tossing and turning trying to find a position where the tumor wasn't bothering me. At one point, the thing spasmed and convulsed, and I saw it beat out of my chest. Freakin' alien, man. I mean, I assume it was probably a muscle spasm from behind the tumor or something like that (I hope), but it was so weird.
I think the thing is, with a lot of cancers, you have signs that you have cancer (like hard of breath and coughing for lung cancer, abdominal pains for others), but this one, you can totally touch it and feel it from the outside, which is kind of creepy. I wanted the hubby to feel the lump under my armpit, and he was all like, "Don't push on it! It might release more cancer cells." Which sounds a little ridiculous, especially since I've been having doctors push on me on all sorts of ways the past few weeks, but yeah, the thought crossed my mind.
Cancer sucks big time.
2 comments:
sending you good thoughts for monday... so glad it's starting... i can't even imagine. thinking of you everyday.
I am reading your blog and thinking of you, and will focus extra-hard on Monday. Much love, from the Bronx!
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