Monday, September 29, 2008

The Great Big Nothing

Update: There is no update. It's been about a week since the biopsy, but no word from the cancer agency. Which gives me hope. Usually, if they don't get back to you asap, that means there's nothing exciting to say. Except that I would consider it exceptionally exciting to have no cancer.

On Friday, Chloe had a little freak-out when I dropped her off at school. The night before, she asked me about the bandage on my chest from the biopsy. She asked me, "Mama, did they put a hole in your lung?" I assured her that it was just a little boo-boo from a test and that it didn't hurt. She seemed okay with that. But when I dropped her off at school the next day, she cried after me when I went out the door. She said, "Mama! Don't leave me! Don't go!" I came back and hugged her and told her that I would see her at the end of school. After a few moments of soothing, she was okay. One of her teachers followed me out the door, and I explained to him that Chloe was asking me about my biopsy scar, and it scared her. Then I just busted out into sobbing in front of him and the community centre manager. I was just overwhelmed in the moment, in the fear in Chloe's eyes. It sucked.

Anyway, so I spent this weekend just playing with the kids and not worrying about anything else. We had a fun time building stuff and playing with dolls.

Then today, Chloe and I were sitting in the Costco food court waiting for DH and Mylo to show up. She was munching on roasted seaweed (her favourite treat). Then she asked me, "Mama, did you die when you went to the big doctor?"

I said, "You mean when I went to the hospital? I didn't die. See, I'm alive, talking to you."

Chloe said, "Yeah, you're right. Cuz when you die, you go under the ground. And then aliens come and take you away and you never come back."

I replied, "Yeah, something like that. Some people think there's God and they either go to heaven or hell. Some people think you come back as an animal or another person. Some think that nothing happens. But no one knows. So aliens is a good idea too."

She said, "Yep."

I think Chloe is a prophet.


DDixon said...

thanks for the update - I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to be on your end waiting on news like that. kids are so sweet and funny but sometimes they're so insightful it's freaky!

Vicki aka Mamapajama said...

I love Chloe :)
and I'm going with the idea about the aliens from now on!

Sandy C said...

Aliens? I love that! Try not to worry, too much. I'm going through the same thing - not posting it on my blog 'cause I don't want my kids in college to worry. If's it's anything we'll deal with it when we know. Frustrating all this waiting, isn't it? Thanks for keeping us posted, though.

Victoria said...

thinking of you often brandy! that story about chloe just makes me laugh and want to cry too.

Allan said...

Thank you for sharing your story, Brandy. My heart goes out to you. The Georgia Straight article is also a very good article - I'm glad it's out.

Animae said...

Big hugs to my favorite girls... I miss you and Chloe and the whole family.

Kat said...

I saw your article in the Georgia Strait and I looked you up right away. I think you're amazing for writing about this so candidly.