I will write more later, when I'm done being settled back into my own space. Thanks to everyone who's emailed, called, sent flowers, and visited--including those who spontaneously threw a party in my room last evening! Who knew so many people could fit in such a small space, with me in the center, butt naked and woozy?
Friday, April 18, 2008
I'm home!
Crazy, but I'm home! I'm so glad to be out of that small, stuffy hospital room, as nice as all the nurses were. So I'm planted firmly in my bed, in my robe, kinda all weird from the drugs and being in a small space for such a long time, with all these tight dressings on me. I don't know if my bod is hot or not, but it sure hurts.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
feeling better
Brandy had a long night pushing the morphine self-dosing button (1.7 milligrams per click...), but was feeling well enough to get out of bed on her own and take a walk up and down the hallway. She's at Room 420 in the West Wing of Mt. St. Joseph Hospital, and can take visitors from noon until 8pm. She has her cel phone with her, and so you can also give her a call and see how she's doing...
Chloe and Mylo visited before their bedtime. Mylo brought his Kitty Kat to make Mommy feel better (he now says "Kitty Kat" rather than the more endearing "Titty Tat" that he used to say...sigh...).
Chloe is still practicing how to ask Brandy how she is doing. Right now she says "Momma, how do you feel good?" Not quite there, but endearing...
The plastic surgeon came in this morning and said that Brandy now has a "flat tummy," but everything is still wrapped tight in dressing so its hard to tell, but there wasn't much bleeding and so far no complications, so far so good.
This last one is for Lou-Anne. You might not be able to tell from this picture, but the hat has lights. How cool is that...?
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Out of surgery
Update on Brandy's surgery today. Brandy went into surgery around 8am this morning with a brave face (well, making faces at the least...).
She came out of surgery at 11:30am a little loopy from anesthesia and morphine, but otherwise the surgery went well. She is now asleep in the recovery room, and will be transferred up to the 4th Floor of the West Wing at Mt. St. Joseph's Hospital at 2pm, where she will be for the next four days. During the 2 minutes that she was allowed to have visitors after she first got into the recovery room, she told me to put a message up on her blog that all went well (as far as she could tell--but maybe that's the morphine talking...). The nurses said the surgery went well (probably more reliable opinion...).Thanks for all the good wishes and prayers. Hopefully her recovery will be rapid!
To Be Continued....(Cue the anticipation music)
It is four hours before we have to make the short walk to the hospital, and I am naked. Kind of. I have a robe on. Naked enough.
Everyone is sleeping. I had so much I wanted to write about here, now, but I'm too tired really.
Right before midnight--the cut-off time for eating/drinking/smoking anything--I finished my coffee/vodka cocktail I concocted. It was good. Then I played Scrabulous and Scramble on Facebook. Then I removed the nailpolish on my toenails (no polish allowed. I asked my hubby why, and luckily he's watched enough episodes of House to tell me the reason is because doctors and such look at nails to see if patients are deprived of oxygen). Then I took a bath. Then I played some more online nerd games, updated my poetry blog, checked on the kids, watched Dude go to sleep after he watched Rome (dude, History is soooo hardcore), and now I'm in the dark, mostly naked, pretty tired yet pretty wired.
So here's the deets on my surgery:
I'm gonna be at Mount Saint Joseph's hospital for approximately 5 days. If you're in Vancouver and would like to visit, come on by. If you feel sheepish, feel free to call Dude's cell. If you're not in Vancouver, feel free to call Dude's cell. I can't promise you that he'll answer cuz I'm pretty sure the hospital policy is no cells, but he's a rebel, so who knows?
This will be my last entry til I get home. But DH will update tomorrow evening (Pacific time zone, for you Easterners out there). Don't worry! Actually, what you can do is be jealous! Cuz I'm going to have a super-hot bod soon...and it only took cancer to get it! :D
Cheers,
Brandy
Everyone is sleeping. I had so much I wanted to write about here, now, but I'm too tired really.
Right before midnight--the cut-off time for eating/drinking/smoking anything--I finished my coffee/vodka cocktail I concocted. It was good. Then I played Scrabulous and Scramble on Facebook. Then I removed the nailpolish on my toenails (no polish allowed. I asked my hubby why, and luckily he's watched enough episodes of House to tell me the reason is because doctors and such look at nails to see if patients are deprived of oxygen). Then I took a bath. Then I played some more online nerd games, updated my poetry blog, checked on the kids, watched Dude go to sleep after he watched Rome (dude, History is soooo hardcore), and now I'm in the dark, mostly naked, pretty tired yet pretty wired.
So here's the deets on my surgery:
I'm gonna be at Mount Saint Joseph's hospital for approximately 5 days. If you're in Vancouver and would like to visit, come on by. If you feel sheepish, feel free to call Dude's cell. If you're not in Vancouver, feel free to call Dude's cell. I can't promise you that he'll answer cuz I'm pretty sure the hospital policy is no cells, but he's a rebel, so who knows?
This will be my last entry til I get home. But DH will update tomorrow evening (Pacific time zone, for you Easterners out there). Don't worry! Actually, what you can do is be jealous! Cuz I'm going to have a super-hot bod soon...and it only took cancer to get it! :D
Cheers,
Brandy
Friday, April 11, 2008
Some People Fucking Suck
It's been quite strange to get negative comments about my boob party, all this judgement about my character for trying to bring empowerment to a shitty situation and to raise money. This one particular "woman" (this person identifies as such, but you never know for sure on the internet) seems to really have it out for me. After a few of her scathing comments on the CBC article, DH wrote:
"Do any of you who have made dismissive or insulting comments about this brave woman have any idea what it is like to go through 6 months of debilitating chemotherapy, where you spend most of your days poisoned to the extent that you can barely move and your veins and arteries and much of your body will never the same, another 5 weeks of radiation therapy where you are literally being burned from the inside and you wonder what the side effects of being irradiated will be if you survive the initial cancer being treated, and then ponder the prospects of major surgery that will require months of recovery and the possibility that you may not survive?
Are you so pathetic and lonely or, worse yet, so lacking in human empathy that you cannot imagine what it might be to be this woman or someone who cares for her, who has seen her courage and sense of humour in the face of such pain and fear, and who might cherish her generousity in throwing a party so that those who care about her can laugh along with her and support her in her hour of need?
If you use words such as "pathetic" or "self-indulgent" to describe her, I am afraid they mirror your own flaws and not hers, and that you truly lack a fundamental humanity that allows you to see the grace and courage another shows in spite of their suffering. This has nothing to do with the sexuality of breasts, or your views about your own breasts or your sexuality. This is about the loss of a part of her body that has held great meaning, and how the fears about how that might change her life reflect the fears about how cancer may alter or end her life in the most profound way. To face one's mortality with a sense of humour, and among friends, is such a contrast to the superficial attempts at humour and insult displayed by some of the commentators that I truly marvel at the emotional poverty of their lives.
I pity you and hope that you will not have to discover what it means to go through cancer yourself, or to see a loved one suffer through it and feel powerless to take their pain away. May you remain blissfully mean-spirited, so that you will not have to learn in the most difficult way what it means to be fully human and humane."
And my friend Vicki wrote:
"I've known Brandy since she was a young girl. She is a wonderful, intelligent woman who faces everything in life with a positive attitude and a zany sense of humor.
How wonderful, that in a crisis that could be a death sentence to many people's spirits, she chooses to lift her spirits by reaching out to other cancer patients with a fund raiser that is also a way of making a transition to her new, post-mastectomy body.
Brandy is also a loving mother to her 2 young children. Even though they are very young, she has not left them "out of the loop" about what's going on, but let them be a part of the whole life experience so that they will not be so afraid of the changes that are about to happen to their mommy. If you look in the archives of Brandy's blogs, you will see pictures of her children helping to cut their mommy's hair when it was beginning to fall out. She and her husband made a family "game" out of it, so that her kids would know that it was natural and not scary. Her daughter helped her mommy make the booby casts for this "bye bye boobies" farewell party as a way of being a part of the whole experience.
I say SHAME on you cowards who hide behind your anonymity and write mean-spirited comments towards someone whom you don't even know. And this IS newsworthy! In a world where so much of the news is gloom and doom, how uplifting to read a story about someone who is going through this with sense of humor intact. She is ready to embrace her new body and I say KUDOS to Brandy and her loving family for sharing their private pain and turning it into public celebration!"
To which this woman replied:
"To BCborn and Vicki58085 - This article has everything to do with sexuality, self- indulgence and breasts. I'm sure that Brandy Lien Worrall is a wonderful woman. And, yes, cancer is scary. Not one of my friends who has survived or left this world because of cancer has chosen to debase themselves in such a self-indulgent, pathetic, idiotic manner - they were ( or are ) too busy concerning themselves with their children, grandchildren and ensuring their needs are looked after.
Brandy Lien Worrall's private life really needs to remain there - PRIVATE- and that includes her " boobie bash ", which really is just a pathetic, self-indulgent, attention-seeking media spin so that she feels better - just in case she doesn't make it . . . which is quite a probability. I already truly do feel sorry for her children.
And, YES, I do have a sense of humour . . . the only thing that has kept me going ! ! !"
Okay, lady, so what the fuck is up? This woman is clearly insane. Here's my reply to her lovely rant:
"To Pivoine and others who feel like this person--I feel sorry for you. Because even though I might be the one who has cancer, you people are truly sick. Or perhaps, to give you the benefit of the doubt, you are only getting one side of the story. Though I have a suspicion that even given the full story, you would still judge me for who you think I am and what I've done. In any case, it's true--I have no shame--but why would I?
No doubt are sexuality and self-image a part of this act, but also is nurturing, empowerment, support. Many people came out to this event because they wanted information and to meet other people going through what they are in terms of their cancer treatments. They wanted to be in a safe environment in which they could not feel lonely with their cancer for perhaps this one night. And having this event was a beautiful success on so many levels--not just for myself but for all the other people who were there, including my children and other children, who were celebrating breasts with artwork. To them, breasts aren't sexual but were what nourished them in their first few years of life.
I have not debased myself; I am honouring myself--my body, mind, and spirit, all three of which have been changed by this whole process of trying to survive. Luckily, I have had the support of my entire family, including my parents, my in-laws, my children, my husband, and all my friends--all who were involved with this event and were touched by it.
So please, Pivoine, I hope you don't spend any more of your energy calling me names for something beautiful that I've done for myself and others; and especially, please don't feel sorry for my children. I have cancer, but I and those around me are all blessed with open minds and spirits, and instead of wallowing in my pain and suffering (which I have had done, believe me), every once in a while, I try to do good for a community of people who need support. And so if you really feel that I'm idiotic for doing so, then yes, I think you are the one who is sick."
What really pisses me off is that if there is a breast cancer patient reading this article, hoping to get inspiration or empowerment or not feel alone and misunderstood, if she reads these attacks on me, she could feel like she shouldn't say anything about her cancer...and that's poisonous. Cancer patients need to talk about their cancer, need to get help and support. They don't need to keep their cancer "private" or hidden from others. That is not healthy at all, period.
So all of you who read my blog, who are here to get information, support, peace, understanding--talk about your experiences. Be loud about it. If you want to spend your days in bed, do so. If you want to shout from the top of your lungs, do so. But whatever you do, don't let anyone ever tell you that you need to be private about your pain, that you need to do anything--just do what you feel you have to do to recover from this awful disease!
"Do any of you who have made dismissive or insulting comments about this brave woman have any idea what it is like to go through 6 months of debilitating chemotherapy, where you spend most of your days poisoned to the extent that you can barely move and your veins and arteries and much of your body will never the same, another 5 weeks of radiation therapy where you are literally being burned from the inside and you wonder what the side effects of being irradiated will be if you survive the initial cancer being treated, and then ponder the prospects of major surgery that will require months of recovery and the possibility that you may not survive?
Are you so pathetic and lonely or, worse yet, so lacking in human empathy that you cannot imagine what it might be to be this woman or someone who cares for her, who has seen her courage and sense of humour in the face of such pain and fear, and who might cherish her generousity in throwing a party so that those who care about her can laugh along with her and support her in her hour of need?
If you use words such as "pathetic" or "self-indulgent" to describe her, I am afraid they mirror your own flaws and not hers, and that you truly lack a fundamental humanity that allows you to see the grace and courage another shows in spite of their suffering. This has nothing to do with the sexuality of breasts, or your views about your own breasts or your sexuality. This is about the loss of a part of her body that has held great meaning, and how the fears about how that might change her life reflect the fears about how cancer may alter or end her life in the most profound way. To face one's mortality with a sense of humour, and among friends, is such a contrast to the superficial attempts at humour and insult displayed by some of the commentators that I truly marvel at the emotional poverty of their lives.
I pity you and hope that you will not have to discover what it means to go through cancer yourself, or to see a loved one suffer through it and feel powerless to take their pain away. May you remain blissfully mean-spirited, so that you will not have to learn in the most difficult way what it means to be fully human and humane."
And my friend Vicki wrote:
"I've known Brandy since she was a young girl. She is a wonderful, intelligent woman who faces everything in life with a positive attitude and a zany sense of humor.
How wonderful, that in a crisis that could be a death sentence to many people's spirits, she chooses to lift her spirits by reaching out to other cancer patients with a fund raiser that is also a way of making a transition to her new, post-mastectomy body.
Brandy is also a loving mother to her 2 young children. Even though they are very young, she has not left them "out of the loop" about what's going on, but let them be a part of the whole life experience so that they will not be so afraid of the changes that are about to happen to their mommy. If you look in the archives of Brandy's blogs, you will see pictures of her children helping to cut their mommy's hair when it was beginning to fall out. She and her husband made a family "game" out of it, so that her kids would know that it was natural and not scary. Her daughter helped her mommy make the booby casts for this "bye bye boobies" farewell party as a way of being a part of the whole experience.
I say SHAME on you cowards who hide behind your anonymity and write mean-spirited comments towards someone whom you don't even know. And this IS newsworthy! In a world where so much of the news is gloom and doom, how uplifting to read a story about someone who is going through this with sense of humor intact. She is ready to embrace her new body and I say KUDOS to Brandy and her loving family for sharing their private pain and turning it into public celebration!"
To which this woman replied:
"To BCborn and Vicki58085 - This article has everything to do with sexuality, self- indulgence and breasts. I'm sure that Brandy Lien Worrall is a wonderful woman. And, yes, cancer is scary. Not one of my friends who has survived or left this world because of cancer has chosen to debase themselves in such a self-indulgent, pathetic, idiotic manner - they were ( or are ) too busy concerning themselves with their children, grandchildren and ensuring their needs are looked after.
Brandy Lien Worrall's private life really needs to remain there - PRIVATE- and that includes her " boobie bash ", which really is just a pathetic, self-indulgent, attention-seeking media spin so that she feels better - just in case she doesn't make it . . . which is quite a probability. I already truly do feel sorry for her children.
And, YES, I do have a sense of humour . . . the only thing that has kept me going ! ! !"
Okay, lady, so what the fuck is up? This woman is clearly insane. Here's my reply to her lovely rant:
"To Pivoine and others who feel like this person--I feel sorry for you. Because even though I might be the one who has cancer, you people are truly sick. Or perhaps, to give you the benefit of the doubt, you are only getting one side of the story. Though I have a suspicion that even given the full story, you would still judge me for who you think I am and what I've done. In any case, it's true--I have no shame--but why would I?
No doubt are sexuality and self-image a part of this act, but also is nurturing, empowerment, support. Many people came out to this event because they wanted information and to meet other people going through what they are in terms of their cancer treatments. They wanted to be in a safe environment in which they could not feel lonely with their cancer for perhaps this one night. And having this event was a beautiful success on so many levels--not just for myself but for all the other people who were there, including my children and other children, who were celebrating breasts with artwork. To them, breasts aren't sexual but were what nourished them in their first few years of life.
I have not debased myself; I am honouring myself--my body, mind, and spirit, all three of which have been changed by this whole process of trying to survive. Luckily, I have had the support of my entire family, including my parents, my in-laws, my children, my husband, and all my friends--all who were involved with this event and were touched by it.
So please, Pivoine, I hope you don't spend any more of your energy calling me names for something beautiful that I've done for myself and others; and especially, please don't feel sorry for my children. I have cancer, but I and those around me are all blessed with open minds and spirits, and instead of wallowing in my pain and suffering (which I have had done, believe me), every once in a while, I try to do good for a community of people who need support. And so if you really feel that I'm idiotic for doing so, then yes, I think you are the one who is sick."
What really pisses me off is that if there is a breast cancer patient reading this article, hoping to get inspiration or empowerment or not feel alone and misunderstood, if she reads these attacks on me, she could feel like she shouldn't say anything about her cancer...and that's poisonous. Cancer patients need to talk about their cancer, need to get help and support. They don't need to keep their cancer "private" or hidden from others. That is not healthy at all, period.
So all of you who read my blog, who are here to get information, support, peace, understanding--talk about your experiences. Be loud about it. If you want to spend your days in bed, do so. If you want to shout from the top of your lungs, do so. But whatever you do, don't let anyone ever tell you that you need to be private about your pain, that you need to do anything--just do what you feel you have to do to recover from this awful disease!
Thursday, April 10, 2008
This is why...
I do the things I do.
There's a nice article out there, "Cancer patient readies for surgery with boobies bash". On the righthand side of the article, you can also click on the link to hear the radio interview I did yesterday morning.
Unfortunately, some of the comments about the article are not so nice. In fact, they are downright mean-spirited. When I first scrolled down and read the comments, I was really upset. I mean, I just couldn't understand why someone could call me "pathetic and gross," that I have "the wrong attitude," that I have "no shame and no brains," and so on. I couldn't understand all the insults--it just felt completely demeaning in a time when I'm trying to not get down on myself and be depressed.
And then I think, this is why women are silenced about having cancer, whether it be breast, ovarian, or cervical cancer. They think that no one understands, and like I said on the 11 o'clock news story, cancer is a lonely place. It truly is. And what cancer patients DON'T need is more loneliness or judgment.
But what I remember from last evening are the two women who were the first to arrive at the event. They weren't my family or friends, but they came because they were going through chemotherapy and wanted to find out information and meet other people who were going through the hell they were experiencing. I remember others whom I didn't know that well but who came out for support or to offer support. I remember the kids painting the casts, having fun, being in a loving environment. I remember my friends and family who came, and those who weren't able to but who have emailed me loving thoughts. Creating a safe space, a nurturing space, a space where people can come together and support one another--not just supporting myself--this is why I do the things I do, including being very public and vocal about my cancer experience.
I am not ashamed, and I believe I have the right attitude. So you assholes out there that think I'm pathetic and gross--FUCK YOU! I'm glad I got that off my chest, especially at a time when I have to have my cancer off my chest too!
Now, for some positive thinking and images...The final fund raising tally from last night: $580 for the Canadian Cancer Society and $600 for Friends for Life. Awesome.
There's a nice article out there, "Cancer patient readies for surgery with boobies bash". On the righthand side of the article, you can also click on the link to hear the radio interview I did yesterday morning.
Unfortunately, some of the comments about the article are not so nice. In fact, they are downright mean-spirited. When I first scrolled down and read the comments, I was really upset. I mean, I just couldn't understand why someone could call me "pathetic and gross," that I have "the wrong attitude," that I have "no shame and no brains," and so on. I couldn't understand all the insults--it just felt completely demeaning in a time when I'm trying to not get down on myself and be depressed.
And then I think, this is why women are silenced about having cancer, whether it be breast, ovarian, or cervical cancer. They think that no one understands, and like I said on the 11 o'clock news story, cancer is a lonely place. It truly is. And what cancer patients DON'T need is more loneliness or judgment.
But what I remember from last evening are the two women who were the first to arrive at the event. They weren't my family or friends, but they came because they were going through chemotherapy and wanted to find out information and meet other people who were going through the hell they were experiencing. I remember others whom I didn't know that well but who came out for support or to offer support. I remember the kids painting the casts, having fun, being in a loving environment. I remember my friends and family who came, and those who weren't able to but who have emailed me loving thoughts. Creating a safe space, a nurturing space, a space where people can come together and support one another--not just supporting myself--this is why I do the things I do, including being very public and vocal about my cancer experience.
I am not ashamed, and I believe I have the right attitude. So you assholes out there that think I'm pathetic and gross--FUCK YOU! I'm glad I got that off my chest, especially at a time when I have to have my cancer off my chest too!
Now, for some positive thinking and images...The final fund raising tally from last night: $580 for the Canadian Cancer Society and $600 for Friends for Life. Awesome.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Boobs! Boobs! Boobs!
Tonight's event was incredible for a number of reasons. First, it was amazing that such an inspirational event could come together in less than a week--and that had a lot to do with Lisa and Vinetta who own Rhizome Cafe. I appreciate much how they believe in what I do. Second, it was extraordinary how friends, family, and strangers alike came out to find out what was going on--whether they came to support me, to gather information, or to give to the cause. Finally, I was completely blown away by the beauty and the artistry of the boob casts. Everyone seemed to have a blast painting and marking the boobs (not to mention Chloe, who claimed about 8 of the boob casts as her own). It was truly a memorable evening. All told, I believe there were over 50 people in attendance, with about $1000 raised for various cancer organizations.
To top it all off, we made the news this evening. Here's the clip:
To top it all off, we made the news this evening. Here's the clip:
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)