Thursday, July 19, 2007

Burning Hunk of Boob

I just woke up--guess what? I still have cancer. I *hate* that! When's that gonna stop happening?--when I wake up in the morning and suddenly, I remember it's for real...??? It's weird--it's like when I eventually sleep at night, my mind just tries to repress the hell out of the reality so that when I wake up, it's a shock all over again, like in the movie Groundhog Day. Weird!

Last night, my tumor burned. I'm not sure if that's supposed to happen. No matter if I lay on my side or on my back or even when I got out of bed and stood up, the big tumor, the one that's obvious to the touch, was burning and had shooting pains. I should call and ask the nurse about that. Maybe it's just that freakin' big.

I apparently qualify for a trial for a more aggressive type of chemo, so I have to call them today to agree to be on the trial. You know what I really got a kick out of yesterday? The prescription they gave me for a wig. Cancer does have its perks!


stephanie said...

Brandy, I'm so sorry to hear of the diagnosis. However, I know from seeing you at our conferences that you're a one woman powerhouse, and I'm positive you can KICK THE SHIT out of cancer. Keep up the writing - I'm rooting for you.

-stephanie from cornell & AAAS

p.s. wigs are fun, and I have a number of them in different colors and styles. It's great to go incognito when grocery shopping...

Information Seeker said...

There's the spirit, Brandy!

Remember the old saying: Mind over matters? You are not losing your mind, yet, when you realize that cancer tumor is still there.

I was born hypoglycemic (didn't know that until my son was born with it too). Then one day when I was about 32, I blacked out on the street and cracked my head (Darn, I forgot to eat those chives!) Fortunately, I stopped short of crossing the street because everything suddently turned golden color before my eyes. What's more, one night I was admitted to the hospital emergency because my heart went on a frenzy at 213 beats/min without any warning! I thought I was just having a crush with that handsome guy I saw on TV! Anyway, I went through a series of tests and finally was diagnosed with Atrial fibrillation.

With the combination of both illnesses I felt like my life was coming to an end before I even know how to enjoy it. The heart specialist informed me that this kind of problem usually occur to people who are 50 or older. But it's a good thing I was detected early. Since then, it's like living with a bomb everyday, don't know when it will explode, again. I must learn to control my emotion, can't be too excited or depress! Then my family doctor warned me that I shouldn't be driving anymore fearing I would pass out and kill myself or others!

Well, I survived 3 major car accidents (none caused by me), 1 major heart surgery - Ablation, managed to wake up two times during the operation and scared the wit out of that poor anesthetician.

My heart is still pounding at an average of 112 and my appetite is still going strong. I even eat more than my 200 pounds husband Rod! What keeps me going? My family and my friends. I want to live to see my grandchildren grow up.

Don't sweat over little, or, big things. Let them come and ride them.


-May from the writing group